This thing called life.....

An interesting phase in my life now..... The times when voices like "Prathap, you gotta be more responsible", "Prathap, behave maturely", "You should have been kinder" n so on keep cropping up time and again in my head..... Time is running so fast these days, that I feel older by the day..... (Well, 25 is not exactly old,  but you better be a man, son! ;) )

Having quit and decided to pursue my dreams, life has definitely seemed to change.  The names that I see in the "dialled" list has changed.... the names in my inbox has changed....  I cant believe I couldnt find anything to do or anyone to talk to for an entire evening when all I needed was a chit chat after a day of routine work.  Thats simply not me.  But thats reality - thats the way it is!

But its good in a way that my circle seems to have shortened.  I feel good about the ones in my life and given a choice, I would have hand-picked these guys.  Its good to see like minds, you know you are not all that eccentric, after all!

It feels good to know what am upto.  Its good to know that I atleast know what I need from my life and why I do what I do.  But I should tell you, its not easy.  To lead a life that is quite different from the norm, but holding on to your conviction that you are afterall listening to yourself.  Its easy to get lonely.  But this is a choice that I made knowing well this is exactly how its going to get.  Do I enjoy it? I am not sure.  Would I have preferred the routine race? Hell, No!  Then what exactly is the problem, I don't know.  I don't even know if there is a problem.

I just want to be free.  FREE.  And as someone said, Freedom is never free.  And all the exercise that am upto will make sense when I earn that much coveted Freedom.  I should admit you something here - Its difficult to go solo in search of my destiny.  Especially the social part of it. I dont socialize enough, thanks to the "Next Big Thing" project that am working on!  Wonder what effect it is going to have on my interpersonal skills.

Women.  How can I end this without talking about them.  I have always been looking for the one.  The perfect one for me.  And am still looking.  And am unsure if I would ever find a woman who wants to travel, loves music, enjoys nature, loves to have a family and not the least of all, love me!  The women that I have met so far have not given me any hopes on my search for my soul mate.  At times you just wonder if all this "soulmate" thing will ever work... or you just have to settle down with the choices you are given with.... I dont know!  But this doesnt mean I am not attracted to anyone.  In fact, there are women who I have fancied as my life partner.  But why so, I dont know.  Is it my love for her, or is it just a sense of security that it would give me.. Its hard to tell!

Life.... No matter how much you think you're under control, the fact is, you have absolutely no idea what it holds....  the complex designs and the uncertainities they bring along adds to the beauty of life that unfolds in front of your eyes..... I just accept and move on.... and try doing my small part in this crazy drama called life........