:-)

bye bye blogger! :)

2009-08-06T10:21:00.001-07:00

moving to wordpress - prathapchandran.com

Do visit my new blog often! Catch you guys there!

Dignity - Revisited

2009-07-27T08:56:00.000-07:00

Had been to a function where my cricket team was awarded a trophy. After receiving the award, we went upstairs where tea and snacks were served. The person who served us was very polite and courteous and treated us as if we were guests in his home. After chit chatting around for about 45 minutes, I noticed that he was actually physically challenged. Polio attack. I immediately thought to myself that I should give him 10 bucks when I leave as a token of appreciation for his willlingness to work for himself despite his limitations. The Magnonimous me! When we were about to leave, he was carrying the tea cans one in each hand when I approached him with my offering. He simply said, "panam ellam venam na.... idha konjam keezha varaikum thookitu vandhu kodunga" and gave me a can to lift, which was a tad heavy. I silently carried the can downstairs and returned it to him.

Whatever makes me think all people need is money! And whatever makes me think I can make people's lives better just because am fortunate enough to have a better standard of living than them? Is it a subconscious sense of superiority that is veiling itself as helping tendency? Perhaps, its time I learn to treat people the way they need to be treated - with dignity!

Different Shades

2009-07-19T09:14:00.001-07:00

Just watched a debate on "Is Love true and worthwile" in Vijay TV. People in relationship on one side and people who have broken up on the other. The first side going on about how their faces light up when they see the loved ones and how supportive they are for each other and how it has helped them grow in life... The other side finding everything emotional and stupid. Typical.

But what affected me the most was one girl on the second side who explained how she took care of the guy she loved and how she even paid for all his expenses starting from family expenses to his daily cigarettes. And how difficult it is for her now to accept the reality that he has dumped her and moved on. It felt bad when she said she could not trust anyone now and how difficult it is for her to love someone the way she loved him. When asked if she would accept him again, she said, "I wont marry him. But I still love him". And her face and voice when she said those things communicated what she was going through. Misplaced love. Poor thing. Hope she finds happiness again.

And there was this mid 30's mother of 2 who lamented how her mama loved her and how her parents forced her to marry someone else and her mama is still unmarried with her memories.... Although she has a happy family and an understanding husband, she was still crying when she spoke about her mama.... Failed love. Still going strong. Poor thing.

The things love does to ppl.... how strong an emotion.... n how different the shades....

This thing called life.....

2009-05-08T06:37:00.000-07:00

An interesting phase in my life now..... The times when voices like "Prathap, you gotta be more responsible", "Prathap, behave maturely", "You should have been kinder" n so on keep cropping up time and again in my head..... Time is running so fast these days, that I feel older by the day..... (Well, 25 is not exactly old, but you better be a man, son! ;) )

Having quit and decided to pursue my dreams, life has definitely seemed to change. The names that I see in the "dialled" list has changed.... the names in my inbox has changed.... I cant believe I couldnt find anything to do or anyone to talk to for an entire evening when all I needed was a chit chat after a day of routine work. Thats simply not me. But thats reality - thats the way it is!

But its good in a way that my circle seems to have shortened. I feel good about the ones in my life and given a choice, I would have hand-picked these guys. Its good to see like minds, you know you are not all that eccentric, after all!

It feels good to know what am upto. Its good to know that I atleast know what I need from my life and why I do what I do. But I should tell you, its not easy. To lead a life that is quite different from the norm, but holding on to your conviction that you are afterall listening to yourself. Its easy to get lonely. But this is a choice that I made knowing well this is exactly how its going to get. Do I enjoy it? I am not sure. Would I have preferred the routine race? Hell, No! Then what exactly is the problem, I don't know. I don't even know if there is a problem.

I just want to be free. FREE. And as someone said, Freedom is never free. And all the exercise that am upto will make sense when I earn that much coveted Freedom. I should admit you something here - Its difficult to go solo in search of my destiny. Especially the social part of it. I dont socialize enough, thanks to the "Next Big Thing" project that am working on! Wonder what effect it is going to have on my interpersonal skills.

Women. How can I end this without talking about them. I have always been looking for the one. The perfect one for me. And am still looking. And am unsure if I would ever find a woman who wants to travel, loves music, enjoys nature, loves to have a family and not the least of all, love me! The women that I have met so far have not given me any hopes on my search for my soul mate. At times you just wonder if all this "soulmate" thing will ever work... or you just have to settle down with the choices you are given with.... I dont know! But this doesnt mean I am not attracted to anyone. In fact, there are women who I have fancied as my life partner. But why so, I dont know. Is it my love for her, or is it just a sense of security that it would give me.. Its hard to tell!

Life.... No matter how much you think you're under control, the fact is, you have absolutely no idea what it holds.... the complex designs and the uncertainities they bring along adds to the beauty of life that unfolds in front of your eyes..... I just accept and move on.... and try doing my small part in this crazy drama called life........

Sshhhhh!

2008-04-17T08:29:00.000-07:00

It was 11 30 AM. The sun was closing on at its scorching best. The air was sultry and droplets of sweat were dripping over my eyebrows. One of the thara thappattai guys had just begun his rhythm and his other partner was holding his drumstick looking closely to what his senior partner was getting at. The slick old man on the urumi was not done with his beedi yet. It had been a tiring day for me, running from burial ground to cab service to the Government hospital.

"Mama, I need to buy flowers and garlands. Amma asked me to tell you" Viji, one of Muthu's two sons tucked at my shirt. He was 6 and resembled his dad in appearance. I handed him over the smeared and crumpled hundred rupee note from my khaki shirt and the kid ran along the street towards the corner shop. I had just expired the last paise I had. But my temporary bankruptcy seemed to be nothing when compared to the loss of Muthu.

It has been 12 years since I have known him. I still remember the day when both of us were standing in front of the skeptical eyes of Ravi anna, our then area councilor and the owner of the autos we wanted to hire. He has been a pillar of support for us ever since and the one we look up to in case of any need we have. He was now sitting in a corner chair under the shamiana, clad with white shirt and white dhoti. He had lost most of his hair and weight but still held an aura that is truly his. He was rimmed by wannabes listening to him intently. I was not sure what they were talking about; perhaps, about the sewage canal project that has been in the pipeline for more than 4 years now. His eyes occasionally gazed at Akila, our area’s sweetheart. She had moved into the area with her elderly father 6 months back. She was slender and of average complexion. Her eyes more than made up for her medium height but it was her voice that drove men crazy. She had an accent and tone that would melt the toughest rogues in seconds. This, combined with her coy smile, made her simply irresistible. And Ravi anna was no exception.

The junior thappattai guy had now joined the party. They were complementing each other with their seemingly random beats as the music slowly took over. I moved my hips and neck minutely on either sides holding my chest still, taking inside the timing and pace of their music. A half of Kalyani I had gulped an hour earlier was slowly showing its effect inside my head. I remember someone removing my slippers from my feet and placing them aside. I was not in a position to acknowledge the gesture as I continued to sway slowly with the beats.

Muthu was living in a small house on a narrow road paying nominal rent. I stay a couple of streets away, although one could hardly differentiate the streets in our area. He had recently painted his house light green saying it was his wife's favourite colour. Now, he was lying there motionless, near the small grill gate under the shade of the shoe flower plant his wife was so fond of. He was encased in a glass box, his feet tied together and nose stuffed with cotton. He was covered fully with a white sheet except for his face. There were garlands all around him, a couple of incense sticks supported on a small stand taking their time to fade away. He was surrounded by women sitting in the ground, their faces swelled due to long spells of crying. Sundari, my wife, was consoling Raji. Raji had a crush on Muthu right from her childhood days and she had moved out of her family to marry him. She had never expected Muthu would desert her. She was still in a state of shock and disbelief, her expressions not very different from her 4 year old younger son Balaji. Balaji could not understand the sudden attention his home had received nor did he realize he was seeing his dad for the last day.

The urumi man was now done with his beedi. He was rubbing his stick against his melam to produce a sound akin to a raging bull as he crushed the remnants of his beedi with his right foot. As he too joined the mini orchestra, the output sound sent my blood gushing to my head. I started drawing semi-circles in air with my half bent arms thumbs up, my entire body accompanying my hands’ motion and my feet following in small unsteady steps. I could feel the rhythm building inside me. The thappatai and urumi guys surrounded me and continued to slowly increase the tempo, my body ever wanting it more. They were nodding their heads to acknowledge my dance as it started blending with their beats. Raghu anna, the owner of "Star Fast foods" residing in Muthu's street, arrived there with a soda in his hand.

Star is a special place for me. In fact, for almost every auto driver in our locality. After a tiring day of driving around, it was the place where we unwind ourselves over a couple of parottas or biriyani, chit chatting about the day's events. The adjoining Kumar wines would ensure we have a deep sleep every night. I remember in one of the days, I was furious at the other driver who took a savari who was supposed to be taken by me. Although I did not create a scene at that moment, I could not control my feeling of being a victim of injustice when Kumar wines opened my eyes. It also made me feel the strongest person in the world as I decided to take on him, a 6 ft 80 Kg hulk. Just when I realized I was going to be in for some thrashing, Muthu came to my rescue from nowhere. When both of us started to get a measure of him, our fellow drivers pulled us away as the other guy had a lucky reprieve that night. I still remember the shy look on Raji's face when she was watching all the events unfolding from her friend's house through the window. I knew she had feelings for him but whenever I tell him, he just brushed aside the topic saying it’s only my imagination. Later, when we came back to our senses, I was proud of him when I came to know that he did not even know why I was fighting with the other guy the previous night.

The thappattai guys were now competing with each other. One played a beat for about 6 seconds and the other guy responded with one for another 6 seconds. As they both were looking at each other's eyes with their hands rolling around the melams independently, the urumi guy was pitching in at the right times to add flavour to the music. Balaji, seemingly bored with all that has been happening around him, came running to me with an innocent smile in his face. He shrunk his eyes and smiled wide to create cute dimples on his cheek as he called me out "Mama" with a question mark. I was not in a position to appreciate his beauty either. My pulse was rising. I started moving faster looking towards the sky this time, tilting my head slightly above. Balaji, being the good boy he was, started trying to mimic my actions. The music was deafening enough to suppress the sudden outcry among the women in the house.

Sundari was crestfallen as she was very fond of Muthu and Raji. During our courtship, she used to get pretty annoyed when Muthu took most of my time. She was possessive to an extent that she wouldn't even say a 'hi' to Muthu when he came across to see us. Matters got worse when Muthu and Raji gifted us a silver lamp during our marriage last year. That night, she was fuming at my friend's parsimony. She made good use of that opportunity to pour her hate out. But in the next morning when I saw the new look my auto had got, with my dream speaker adorning my auto's rear, I was speechless. Muthu and Raji were smiling shyly as they stood on each side of the auto. When Muthu asked me if I liked it, I turned to Sundari who was now counting her toes. Sundari never spoke a word against my friend then on. She also grew to be a good friend of Raji, as both of them spent most of their day time together in one of our houses.

The urumi guy was rocking. I never knew one could make so many variations with that seemingly simple instrument. The three were now matching each other in skill and variation. I shook my pelvis to the front and back as I started chopping mutton in air. I could see two other auto drivers, in their early twenties, dancing their way to the act. I also peeked at Akila, who stood beside the gate looking at Muthu.

She was in a yellow saree, the one she wears every Friday on my request. No one ever suspected anything between us until the other night when ill luck struck me. This Wednesday, I took her as usual to Anna Park after her work. I never expected Muthu to arrive at the same park for a savari, that too without my notice. He had been there spying on me for almost an hour before I caught his eye. I did not know how to react, but Muthu silently sat in his auto, ignited it and sped off. I left Akila right there as I ran to my auto to chase him down. By the time I hit the main road, the traffic was too high that I could hardly move an inch. When I stood in the same place for close to 30 minutes, I grew suspicious. I was right. Talks traveled around that there had been an accident a few minutes earlier. So I got off my auto to go have a look a few hundred meters ahead. As I reached the crowded spot, I noticed a damaged tempo traveler and an auto I could hardly identify. As I walked closer, the vehicle looked familiar to me. The harsh truth then struck me. I lost my balance for a second, and then quickly ran to the nearby Government Hospital to which people directed me. When I reached the hospital, I was informed that Muthu was in ICU unconscious. He never regained his consciousness again.

The two youngsters added their part to the music with loud whistles to complement the beats as they brought in fresh energy. The vision around us was getting blurred due to the dust off our feet as we danced to the beats aggressively. I looked at the white cloth draped around Muthu's head to keep his mouth from opening. A truth buried. I took my lungi in my mouth and started flying kite now as Balaji was jumping around me.

A day at Coimbatore

2008-03-27T08:59:00.000-07:00

Of Greens and Friendliness…

I was waggling with the bus sitting on the last seat right next to the door as I was enjoying the cool breeze gushing over my face. I was thankful to the conductor who would let me sit in the place where he normally sits. That was one of the many acts of kindness I received throughout the day when I was in the beautiful city of Coimbatore. I had Anil as my last-minute company, as he too offered to join me after he cancelled his plans for the day. Both of us had come to the city for Aravind’s brother’s marriage – Yet another reason for me to travel. The mini-bus was on its way from Perur to lolly road, from where we were supposed to take another bus to Marudhamalai. I was caught between enjoying the moment and capturing it, my complex camera requiring more attention. As my eyes were feasting on the tall and slim coconut groves and sugarcane fields passing by, my ears were in for a good entertainment with one of our fellow passengers singing impromptu songs from various south-Indian languages spanning various genre and spread across various generations. Once he got down from the bus, a quick murmur spread across the entire bus, including the two of us with Anil wondering if the man was in his senses. The fact was, I didn’t care. I enjoyed his songs. And I knew he didn’t care either. He was singing his heart out. But there were so many “well-mannered” “cultured” “well-behaved” people on the bus who could not appreciate a poor man’s harmless expression. Humans have evolved.

My travel had begun the day earlier, a Saturday night, as I decided on the last minute to make it to the trip. When it came to staying over in the city on Sunday to complete a not-so-hopeful project versus a one-day trip, I chose the latter as any sensible person would have. Work can wait. Always. As I made my way to home around 6 PM still having no clue as to how I was going to make it to Coimbatore, my dad came to my rescue. He arranged for a reserved ticket with berth in no time as luck favored me in the form of current reservation. I hunted down a few books in Higginbotham’s at the station, the owner of which was my dad’s friend and the one who got my ticket in a jiffy. And I promptly forgot to call my dad to let him know that I had received the tickets and was on time for the train. He called me anyways. A few things, we do take for granted.

As the train started its onward journey, I was digging through the books I got in search of some inspiration as I was not having a particularly good time on my personal front. And Osho did help me a bit (Oh, he jus said Life’s difficult), until I was distracted by the night sky visible through my window. As my cabin’s lamps were scanning through the shrubs aside the track, my roof was constant – both the one above my head and the one above its head. I had made my way to the railway station through two metro buses, one of which got caught in traffic jam and I switched to the next after walking a mile. I traveled on foot-board just for the pleasure of the breeze it can provide. As expected, a small altercation with the conductor followed with the conductor winning the argument, but I somehow managed to hold on to the steps. Little did I know that I would be doing the same hours later in a different city.

I reached Coimbatore early morning, deprived of sleep, cold and shaking. I had declined an offer of a pillow and bed sheet from the railway staff not wanting to pay for something that I get to use everyday. And I regretted it all night. A few things, we do take for granted.

Aravind was there to receive me from the station. He rode me on his scooty pep to his uncle’s home as the mansions he had booked for me were already occupied by his unexpected visitors. He showed me a few important landmarks in his city as we rode down the main road – A few renowned colleges and textile mills. I was half enjoying and half panicking in the morning mist as we entered into a few crooked lanes to his uncle’s home. Finally, some village feel as we drove through limestone houses dotted with cows tied to a corner and simple shops.

After refreshing in his Uncle’s home and making a mess of the dosas he had bought by pouring the sambhar all over the hall, we finally set off to Perur. Anil, being the Lord Shiva fan he is, was excited to go the Patteeswara temple where he could worship lingam. I wanted to visit a temple that is 1800+ years old built by Karikala Chola. And the town bus we took to Perur was full enough to make both of us hang on to the bus steps, one foot at a time. I did not enjoy it as much as I did the previous night, the wrath of the driver for hanging in the women’s section notwithstanding. The bus did get penetrable as stops went by and finally when we sat for a while, the destination had arrived. The temple was a bit busy as it was a Sunday. We left our slippers at the entrance of the temple to the shoe-keepers and set our first foot in. We were greeted by colorful roof with murals depicting various legends and pillars with sculptures and carvings as sharp as they are. A huge elephant was tied in a corner and people went and received their blessings from Ganesha. I did not want to risk. If it had come to know what was running on my mind, it might have lifted and banged me somewhere.

We were walking in and around the temple admiring the stone work and the Chola architecture, trying to visualize how life used to be in those days. We were fascinated by the legends and creatures carved on the walls and pillars, musing over our rich history and culture. I was intrigued by a particular depiction of a love-making couple in one of the pillars right in front of the moolasthanam (a.k.a karuvarai, the place where the God’s idol is placed). I could not find such a depiction anywhere else inside the temple. On hindsight, our ancestors might not have been as hideous about sex as we are these days as this was not the only temple with such sculptures. The majestically sculpted avatars of various Gods were noteworthy. As we walked out of the temples with Anil justifying homes in a temple’s shadow would never prosper, I was wondering why this temple was called “Mecca of South India”. Perhaps, I might not have the right eyes to see it. I couldn’t help thinking Srirangam and Suseendaram were much more admirable for their majesty and rock work. However, no credits should be taken away from the Patteeswara temple, for it was indeed one the more beautiful ones I have been.

As we walked out to collect our slippers, another surprise awaited us. When we inquired how much we had to pay them, they simply said we can pay how much ever we want. It pleased me in some untold way. I paid 4 bucks and walked away with a smile. We went to the banks of the Noyyal River, one which I had come across in my school days in Tamil literature. The river was a mere shadow of what I had imagined. It could be said no more than a canal, a not so clean one too. After taking a couple of snaps there, we tried getting to Siruvani, another famous river in Coimbatore. But since it required a special permission from the forest officers and we had a lot of time left, we decided to go to Marudhamalai, a Murugan temple atop a hill. And thus began our journey from Perur to Lolly road.

Once we got down at Marudhamalai, we were greeted by the majestic hills. Anil was reluctant to climb the stairs, 2000 of them, to reach the temple. I somehow convinced him that it is worth the climb and we began our upwards journey with Anil whining all the way. I tried my best to inspire Anil by showing him a cheerful kid who was climbing alongside us. I sometimes feel kids don’t know what it is to get tired. The last time I played Lock and Key with my younger cousins with an average age of 10, I remember taking a 5 minute break for every 5 minute game and the kids standing around me waiting for me to join them. As we made it to the top, the view was as pleasant as the weather as we strolled around to take in the picture inside us. The temple looked ordinary when compared to the panoramic view of the city it offered. Anil stared at me as if he would kill me when I suggested we climb down (I loved the look on his face). We took a bus down and boarded another to the city.

After a short nap, we made it to Aravind’s home, thanks again to our fellow passengers who carefully guided us to the right stop. We reached his home, refreshened ourselves and promptly attended the reception and dined stomach-full. As we left back to Chennai in a Volvo, I was already in love with the city. The city promised much more to provide. If only we had the time. I can’t wait for my next trip to this wonderful city.

The Mantis Magic

2008-03-27T08:57:00.001-07:00

“Oh no, not again!” she thought to herself as she rushed to the corridor. Bob was holding the straps of Tim’s shoulder bag and swaying him across as a bunch of other guys were enjoying the act. This wasn’t new for Emily, to rescue Tim each time he ran into such trouble.
As she approached Bob, Tim looked up at her.
“Em!” he called out to her feebly. His voice was obviously tired and a small film of water had accumulated in his eyes.
“Take your hands off him. Now!” Emily said sternly as she pulled Tim away from Bob’s clutches.
“Here comes your guardian angel, you mommy’s boy!” hollered Bob as Emily hurried Tim away to avoid him any further embarrassment. They could hear Bob and the other guys laughing hysterically as they walked away.

Both of them did not utter a word as they were trudging along the pathway across the school. It was half past 3 and Emily’s mom was to pick her up from the garden where they were heading to. Tim would have to walk a further 10 minutes to the bus stop from where he would board a bus home.
“Would you like to stay for a while?” Emily asked Tim who was still sober.
“Never mind, am fine!”
Emily knew he was not. “I have to wait for mom anyway for the next half hour. Would you like to hang around until then?” Emily asked expectantly. She knew Tim would not want to bother her, so she tried to make him comfortable by asking for a favour. Her plan worked, as Tim relented.
“Alright then, let’s go in” They both walked inside the garden and sat in a bench.
“Banana?”
“No thanks.”
“Did you watch the game yesterday between Wellington and Palmerston North?”
No answer.
Emily tried to ease up the tension. “What are you thinking about?”
“Nothing” Tim’s face was still grim.
“Do you want to talk about what happened today?” Emily wished he would speak out.
There was silence for the next few minutes.
Just as Emily was about to give up, Tim spoke.
“I am weak” Tim was twitching a piece of grass in his fingers as he continued to look down.
“You just think you are” Emily tried to reassure him. “I am no stronger than you are, nor is Bob.”
“This would go on forever. I hate coming to school” Tim’s eyes were fixed on the ground.
“Tim, you just have to stand up for yourself.” Emily gently held his hands.
“Hey, Em!” Emily heard a voice from behind. She turned to see Linda approaching them. Linda was her mom’s colleague, working with her at the ministry of social welfare. “It’s a pleasant day, isn’t it?”
“Yes it is! How are you?” Emily tried to reciprocate Linda’s cheerfulness.
“Am great! Just came for a walk with Apu.” Linda bent down to fondle her cat. “Isn’t he cute?”
“Yes he is” Emily smiled. “This is Tim” Emily introduced Tim to Linda.
“Hi Tim, am Linda. Nice to meet you!” Linda stood up to shake hands with Tim.
“Nice to meet you too!” Tim smiled so as to not show out his mood.
As Linda started to converse with Emily, Tim noticed Apu running towards a small bush. Tim followed Apu to find out what Apu was curious about. Apu poked in to the bush and tried to play with a praying mantis that was hidden in the bush. The mantis looked much like its surroundings, green and slender. Tim could not immediately figure out its presence until it made some swift moves to avoid Apu hurting it. Apu continued to push and prod the insect, with the insect trying to hide out wherever possible. Apu, being a clever cat he is, continued to dig out the insect from its hideouts. As Apu was beginning to enjoy the game, Tim saw something strange happen. Apu started taking some evasive actions whenever he tried to nudge the insect. When he looked closely, he could see the mantis standing tall and spreading its forelegs with its wings fanning out. That made the little insect look scary. Apu continued trying to poke the insect and each time he had to withdraw quickly as the mantis struck with its forelegs and attempted to pinch or bite the cat. Tim was getting astonished by what he was seeing. He could not believe his eyes. He could not believe Apu was being kept at bay by a creature that is hundreds of times lesser in size than the cat.
“What are you looking at?” Emily propped over his shoulder, getting puzzled over Tim’s curiosity.
“Shh!” Tim held Emily behind signing her not to make any noise and turned again to the scene of action. Apu was growing impatient, and started to get a bit violent. He tried to pick up the mantis using his teeth in order to hurt him. But to Tim’s surprise, Apu had to retreat in a flash when he tried to do that. Apu tried again. This time, Tim sharpened his observation to see why the cat was reacting that way. His astonishment grew bigger when he saw the way the mantis stood right up and used its forelegs to attack Apu. It reminded him of the stance he takes to defeat Kokomo the giant in his video game. With the palm at right angles to the forearms, the stance resembled very much a snake fanning out its hood ready to attack. Apu tried again a couple of more times to poke the insect, but the mantis was in no mood to give in. It was clear the Apu wasn’t enjoying it anymore. As Tim was wondering what would be on Apu’s mind, Apu turned back and walked away to Linda. The mantis stood there for a while and then tramped to its hideout.
Tim was stunned by what he saw.
“Incredible, isn’t it?” Emily asked as they turned back to walk to the bench. Emily was equally amazed by the act.
“Yes” Tim seemed to be lost in deep thought.
Emily’s mom arrived just as they reached the lawn seat.
“Thanks for staying, Tim” Emily hugged Tim “See you tomorrow!”
“Thanks to you, Em” Tim seemed to be much more relaxed now. Emily was glad Tim was ok. Emily bade good bye and Tim started his walk back home. His head did not seem to be as heavy then.

Emily was packing her bag to leave home. She was thinking about what had happened the day before; the way Bob tormented Tim, the time she spent with Tim in the garden. She was wondering what Tim would be doing now. She did not want Tim to fall into trouble again. She thought it would be a better idea to check the school corridor before leaving. As she approached the corridor, to her dismay, she found Tim’s lunch bag’s straps once again in Bob’s hands. “I am not letting this happen again” she said to herself as she swiftly started walking towards Bob.
“Take your hands off me.”
Emily could not believe what she heard. It was Tim’s voice. The same voice which had called out her name for help the previous day.
“Bob, I think you should let go of me. Now.” Tim was stern and clear. He looked straight into Bob’s eyes. “Did you hear what I said?”
Bob was startled. Of all the kids in the block, he least expected Tim to stand up against him. “And what if I don’t?” Bob was trying to salvage his pride. After all, he is an inspiration for his fellow wannabe bullies.
“You don’t like yourself going home wet, do you?” Tim took his water bottle in his hands and opened it.
“Calm down kid! Okay, Okay!” Bob let go of Tim’s bag’s straps. There was a look of disbelief in Bob’s face as Tim walked away from him.
“Hi Em! How was your day?” Tim approached Emily who was waiting for him off the corridor. They could hear the chuckle of guys around as Bob left the spot hurriedly.
“Fantastic!” Emily replied enthusiastically. Both of them knew what she meant.

Dignity

2008-03-27T08:49:00.000-07:00

What is dignity?
“The quality of being worthy of esteem or respect” read my WordWeb definition. And what determines a person’s dignity? And how much of it is under his control? How dignified am I? I don’t know.

There have been instances where I know I have behaved in a dignified way and held my head high. And there have also been instances when I had to count my toes. There have also been instances where I still do not know if I acted with dignity or not.

When people lose their respect for you, and give you a feeling that you have been taken for granted, how do you react? And what is acceptable as a ‘dignified’ reaction? We have two choices – One to maintain our self-respect by taking a back seat and moving on, thereby maintaining one’s dignity. And the other to still be the same to them, holding on to one’s own instincts and believing in one’s own self. And I find it equally dignified, in fact, requiring more courage and conviction.

Or perhaps, the degree of complexity of dignity varies from person to person given his life circumstances. Suresh, a cleaner in my office, once borrowed ten rupees from me. He promised he would return it. I did not expect him to, as would most of us. But to my surprise, he returned it to me with thanks, refusing my offer to keep it with him. The ten rupee note is no big deal for us, but for him, it is. Perhaps, not as big as his dignity. And he did not stop there. I found him watering Flora, my plant which supposedly brings me good luck, everyday then on before I arrive to work. A small gesture with a big heart.

Behaving with dignity is never easy. It requires discipline, self respect and more importantly, a big conscience. It is one of life’s lessons we need to learn and master, a difficult one too.

“One's dignity may be assaulted, vandalized and cruelly mocked, but it cannot be taken away unless it is surrendered”

The Mask

2008-03-27T08:42:00.000-07:00

How important is social acceptance?

For some, it means nothing (or so they claim!).
For others, it means everything. Conformance to social practices makes one being considered a fit to the society that they live in. They think the way the society wants them to think; Act the way the society wants them to. How easy… Everything is perfect… So many people sharing the same perspectives… How harmonious… It makes perfect sense to fit in the sinks society has caved for you; After all, that is what you live for… Life’s real meaning is looking right in people’s eyes, is it not?

How about the ones who dare to think beyond what the society thinks is the limit? The ones who would dare to listen to their inner voice and protect it from getting lost in the noise all around?
Ah, come on… what are they going to achieve anyway? They just end up being called outlaws… They are just being foolish, inviting trouble; They do all things their way; act straight, think loud, trying to mean whatever they say, trying to be true to their hearts, loving deep and loving true; Who is going to trust them anyway? After all, they don’t think like how they are supposed to…

Life is to be lived peacefully; everyone approving our actions day after day and appreciating how mature we are… How pleasant it is to be acknowledged by the people around for every move of ours…

Well, don’t the societies differ across the globe? What is right here might not necessarily be right else where…
But does it really matter? After all, our society is our world… And the rest just doesn’t exist and needs not to be bothered.

So what really is happiness?
It’s looking good.

Looking good to who?
To everyone around.

What is peace?
Need it be repeated over and over? It’s just being in sync with everyone around.

What about being in sync with one’s own self?
What?

Meaning inner harmony?
Ah, it’s difficult to attain; Moreover, no one really cares if one is harmonious inside or not.

What about the yearning of one’s true self to express itself irking inside?
Oh, we can live with it. My mask looks exactly the same as his; and his; and his; and that is all really matters.

A butterfly story

2007-10-18T21:44:00.000-07:00

I was walking.
Thought I should run.
And I started running.
I was glad to flash past faces,
turned and waved at them.
And I rolled on.

Something caught my eye.
And my head refused to turn straight.
I slowed down.

It was a butterfly.
A white one.
It was beautiful.
And it smiled at me.
I walked. It tagged along.

We spoke. And spoke. And spoke.
I thought it needed me.
And I needed it.
And we spoke.

The butterfly found flying hard.
The wind hurt. Its wings hurt.
It rested on my shoulder.
And we moved on.

It had its shadow on me.
And it felt safe that way.
I had my thoughts on it.
And I felt love that way.

There was peace.
It slept.
There was music.
And I danced.

The wind is calmer now.
I don know why,
It wants to fly.
And it flew.

I wanted to jog along.
But it didnt let me.
That hurt.
I walked.

It came back.
Saw me frown.
It smiled.
So did I.
And it flew.

It is watching me from a distance.
It wants to fly.
Not away from me.
Not with me.

There is something that doesnt let it fly away.
Something that doesnt make me run away.
I walk.
And I want to run.
With music and dance.

I know I would.
Sun rises in the east.
Well, really?
Venus, the goddess of love, smiles.

All you need is....

2007-09-18T05:46:00.000-07:00

I am trying....
I have grown, I know.
Fate has been kind to me.
Life has been fair, or so I thought....
I am running short of energy.
I need love. I have always.
When I think my life is great,
Life shows there is something greater.

Then I start pursuing it,
And I end up nowhere.
I look around, everything is new.
I have come a long way, can't retreat
I try to to sow my seeds.
And Life starts to feel great,
Life shows there is something greater.

I have grown all these days.
I remember when nothing hurt
I remember when everything hurt
Now I believe I can handle 'em all, Or so I think.....
One moment am confident
Am happy and in bliss
And the next moment in doubt,
Am I?

Life goes on,
doesn't wait to enlighten me..
Life is beautiful, or so I think....
It is simple. It is complex.
It sings.

I need love. I have always.
I am trying to love myself.
I love myself, or so I think.......
I need people. I need smiles.
I need hi's. I need laughter.
I am needy.

I am trying to be at peace with myself.
Telling everything is ok.
I know people love me.
I am ok, or so I think....
I have grown,and so have my thoughts.
Filling me with doubts,
which almost always are seldom true.

I am not feeling home.
I doubt my path.
I dont give my best, or so I think.....
I am trying to listen,
My heart has been yelling.
Its very noisy.
I need calmness.
I need love. I have always.